Someone got the idea of marrying a prince from a series of Disney Princess movies…
[Please be advised that this post is purely for entertainment purposes and is entirely satire – No offence is meant]
There once was a girl named Meghan Markle and she had a dream. A fantasy in which she lived in a castle where she wanted to marry a prince and be a Disney Princess. She had already been married to a man named Trevor whom she wed in Jamaica. The marriage was done after just two years and she mailed her wedding and engagement rings back in the post. How rude!
A few years after her marriage to he-who-mustn’t-be-named ended, she started doing charity work. She did this in order to snag herself a prince. She had visited London in her youth with her now-former-best friend and sat outside Buckingham Palace.
Her goal was to snag a prince and mooch off his money. That way she would never have to work as an actress ever again. She worked her way through making connections at Soho House in Toronto, Canada before she hit the jackpot. Through a friend, she scored a ‘blind date’. Her only question to the friend who set it up, “Is he kind?” Throughout the date, she seduced him with the sob story that she had no family outside of her mother.
In reality though, Meghan had a large family who had loved and cared about her. She had her father, two older half-siblings, nieces, nephews and a vast assortment of relatives on both sides. One of her nieces – a lawyer – acted as her point of contact when she was acting on a cable show.
The Royal Romance Sours
The whirlwind romance between the prince whose name was Harry and Meghan did not last very long. They broke up after a few dates but she was not going to let him go without a fight. The pair – prior to their bust up – had been invited to a friend’s wedding.
Harry had been a member of the wedding party. Refusing to let her prince go, she showed up uninvited, ticking off the bride and groom in the process. This is not something a Disney Princess would do. Throughout the whole event, paparazzi were on hand to photograph as Meghan dug her claws into the dashing Haz as she would go on to call him.
Despite his protests, they got back together. She shut down her blog and ended her acting career before it was revealed the prince had gone down on bended knee. He proposed… over a roast chicken dinner… but she claims to be vegan… Anyway, they praised the prince’s family for being overly supportive with the royals ‘apparently’ singing her praises.
The Engagement And The Wedding
Over time, she secretly complained about where they were living in a small cottage close to the prince’s famous granny better known as Her Majesty The Queen. However, she and her prince apparently secret wed in their back garden. So… they wasted millions of dollars of taxpayer funds for their own selfishness.
Returning to the engagement it is alleged in their interview that the Disney Princess wannabe didn’t know about the royal family because she never followed them. She also made the claim that she didn’t know who her fiancée had been before they met. It is a claim that her ex-best friend said was false and that she was fascinated by royalty when they were kids and the actress cried during the full length of her now husband’s mother’s funeral when it aired on television.
The wedding was a grand affair. A bit much for a second wedding for the bride. She ordered that the homeless be kicked off the streets. She even threw a tantrum when she did not get the tiara she’d dreamed of wearing. Her prince allegedly threw his own wobbly and proclaimed:
What Meghan wants, Meghan gets!
People from almost every rich walk of life attended the wedding on the year. A-list celebrities were front and centre. What made the whole thing so said is that the bride’s mother was the only family she had there. She looked so out of place while her daughter’s mouth watered at the prospect of instant money, a foreign title and above all else, fame. There was even an awesome black choir.
Ruining An In-Law’s Wedding And The Tour Where The New Royal’s True Colours Started To Show
Just months after the sham of a wedding, the Disney Princess wannabe went on her first grand tour; Australia, New Zealand, Fiji, and Tonga. Little did anyone realise at the time, little miss I’m now a Duchess had ruined the wedding of one of her cousins-in-law. She wore a coat with only the first two buttons done up. This sent the world into a frenzy of speculation that she was expecting a child. Allegedly, the bride was not happy and neither was the bride’s mother.
The speculation was revealed just days later when the new Duchess and her gullible prince of a husband landed in Sydney, Australia. One the same day, they announced the rumours were true; they were expecting their first child. While the world celebrated the pending arrival with such joy, the Disney Princess wannabe is believed to have been a total diva behind-the-scenes.
She and her hubby of a prince stayed at the Governor-General’s residence where the Duchess threw tantrum after tantrum. She wanted the whole house and not just a wing. Then, there were the rumours she was only nice to the attractive staff and threw a cup of tea on a staffer who attempted to soothe her. There was even an alleged screaming match where she yelled at the Governor-General’s wife when she got lectured about treating staff like human beings. The prince had to apologise for her behaviour time and time again. He even had a throw down with her and questioned whether she was pregnant. She even passed off a loaf of banana bread as her own when it wasn’t.
The stories just continue on and they get worse.
After the tour, the royal diva and her husband prepared for the arrival of their baby. Over time, stories started coming out about the duchess’ horrible behaviour. A lawsuit endured when a letter was published in a newspaper to the Disney Princess wannabe’s father.
Upon the baby’s birth, the arrival was covered up in order to make a grand escape from the hospital before the press could show up and snap photos. The Duchess gave birth to a son whom she and her husband didn’t want to have a title. Two years later, this was allegedly told to be false as she wanted him to have a title so he would be entitled to security. Anyone who knows how royal protocols work, the little lad did not need protection as he would be able to use his father’s security officers since he was just a babe.
Back in the present, the world was elated with the new arrival but the joy did not last as eighteen months later, the Sussexes would no longer be working royals and would move to the Disney Princess’ home of America.
Still Fractured Relations With The Royals And The Disney Princess And Her Family
The Royal family were in a bind as the Duchess and her husband were throwing them all under the bus. When a biography came out about the pair written by the Disney Princess’ flying monkey pal, the pair’s sister-in-law was vilified as if she was one Cinderella’s wicked stepsisters. The prince’s older brother was passed off as snobby when he questioned him about the relationship before it became a marriage. No one was safe.
As time went on, the fractures became even greater for the royals and the American living pair. Meghan had stopped talking to her father by this point and the world started to realise that her half-siblings were right.
The Queen and her ailing husband were left distraught at never being on the same continent as their great-grandchild as was the prince’s father who loved all of his grandchildren equally.
Duchess Disney Princess was having the time of her life in her home country. But, she still wasn’t satisfied. She had to ruin the lives of her in-laws further. She released an op-ed she had written about a miscarriage she’d suffered on the day one of her ‘horrid’ in-laws was due to do a massive speech. While a lot of people showed sympathy, there were those who didn’t believe her, given her track record for lying.
The prince’s relationship with his father and brother became more strained, this would later lead to him claiming that his father had cut him and Meghan off financially and stopped taking his calls.
The nephews and niece of the prince started asking where their cousin was. Talk about sad.
The Tell-All Where Everyone In The Royal Family Is Thrown Under The Bus By The Disney Princess Wannabe
Finally, the tensions got so bad that the Disney couple thought it was time to make the situation worse for themselves. They went on national television and made racism claims and told a wide range of porky pies. The press and the world had a field day. While some people were shocked at the allegations, others were left scratching their hands.
It has now been two weeks, and people are still debunking the claims. A lot of the American public have backed the couple. Meanwhile, the UK has criticised them and have backed their royal family. It has also put further strain on the prince’s relationship with his father whom he believes let him down. His brother has been forced to defend his family as well as his wife who was made out once more to be cruel.
The American based couple hope to mend the rift, but how can they do that when they started the feud to begin with? Their little boy and their soon-to-arrival little girl will never know their family as their mother will brainwash them into thinking the royals and Markle-Ragland families are horrible people. The story is not likely to end any time soon.
The End… For Now…