Why I’m Afraid Of Pineapples

Everybody has a fear of something. For some people, it’s spiders. Most other people, it’s clowns. For me, it’s *shudders* pineapples. It wasn’t always this way. I entered the film festival Tropfest with some filmmaker friends last year. See, I’m part of this group where we are trying to get filmmaking noticed in our local area.

Anyway, the signature item for this one particular year was pineapple. At the time, I was fine around the beasts of burden. Ordinarily, my mother eats pineapple all the time. I eat it on pizza, which isn’t a problem, but seeing one just freaks me out and I have to turn the other way. I see them in all forms. Keychains, figurines. You name it, I’ve seen it.

Though, I don’t freak out when its on pizza though. No idea why. I see pineapple almost everywhere I go. I can’t help, but think that they’re somehow stalking me. Notwithstanding, they seem to know where I am at all times. It’s like it won’t leave me alone!

Freaking…Beasts… Of… Burden! I would like to think that I’m dreaming all of this and I’m not really afraid of pineapples. Well, guess what. I… ain’t… dreaming. Every single little bit is real and there is nothing I can do to stop myself from wanting to run the other way. I like eating it. I just can’t reach for it and place it in my mouth, no matter how much I want to.

It’s a miracle that I am not having nightmares about mutant pineapples. Hey, it should be a movie! I can just see the title of the screenplay now! Curse of the Living Pineapple Chunk: The Movie that caused C.J. Hawkings to have a Nervous Breakdown!

Okay, rant over. I just hope you all understand my fear of pineapples now. However, you probably know more about my fear than moi does. Peace out, dudes!

What are your fears? Comment below~

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